e l d a l ó t ë

 

It has been some time since I've written. But I think it is more because I was afraid to write, than it was that I didn't want to. 

I have, been trying to discover who I am, and it has been much harder than I thought it would be. It seems that darkness follows me, no matter how much light I try to carry. 

I have been drawn to flowers lately, though I've always been drawn to nature as a whole. I do not know what I would do if it wasn't here. I hope that I can build up the courage to write again. Although this was short and may not make sense to many people. This is the way I am, and I can't change that. 

n'rae

f a r e w e l l

 

l i s t e n 

I pray this new year gives me the chance to live, and achieve the dreams that God has set before me with courage and peace…

r e n

 

This came out of nowhere, I’m excited though. Beautiful and artfully made. First season came out in 2017 I believe so it’s been a while. Can’t wait. 

f a r e w e l l

 

l i s t e n 

I cannot see my future, only you can. I pray this year is peaceful. Through your eyes Lord, let me see…

I’ll still dream about you…

 

“still dream”

I lost someone I love very much recently. She’s been with me since I was 17. I’m 30 now. I miss her so much it hurts. Saying goodbye to her isn’t something I ever wanted to do. I wish I could have given her more. More moments in the sun, more kisses, more time…I think I sometimes took her for granted. I’ve always said I never had a friend. But I think now I know that she was probably the best friend I ever had. 

I love you Velda, I always will. 

s p i r i t u a l

 

When the time is right, I the Lord will make it happen -Isaiah 60:22 

m e m o r i e s

 

for me, it's still the distant memories

all the laughter shared was fleeting

running away but I wouldn't get far

for me, it's still the summer leaves

that late September breeze

those unbelievable dreams...

t h e s o n g s t h a t c h a n g e u s

I don't listen to music that often but when I do it's because the music itself changes my thoughts. It makes me see light where I thought only darkness was, it makes me understand God when I thought he didn't hear me, and it gives back the emotion I thought I didn't have...

music changes me...for the better.

                                                              through the eyes of a child 

I like this because of its ethereal outro and soft and childlike beginning. It makes me feel like I am seeing heaven for the first time. It also makes me feel like everything will be okay...

mishima / closing

I love this piece. I found it many years ago but ever sense I have; I have loved it for its powerful presence and bittersweet melody. I feel like I am swimming in skies and feeling the pull of my soul dance with each change of key.

omega's theme / first time in space

I adore these two pieces. This to me is pure adventure and discovery. I feel like I can do anything when I listen to them. I feel like I am on a voyage to discover new worlds, experience true friendship and find out who I am in the process. The orchestral outro, booming with confidence and happiness, brings me so much joy. 

c e l e n a

a l l I d o i s d r e a m

 

m i s h i m a / c l o s i n g 

I've never wanted to exist. I have only ever wanted to dream. I wanted to live somewhere in-between existence and dreams. I wanted to, if I desired, be able to step into an ocean thousands of feet deep, stretching as far as the eye could see, and pull my human body through it with as little ease as breathing. I wanted to sing and hear the mountains crumble from the power of my voice. I wanted to disappear when I wished and reappear in some vast opening as if I walked through life with myself as my guide.

 

 I saw people as scary, when a child, and found the company of nature and animals overwhelmingly pleasant. I listened to music like a child would their guardian. I convened with God like he was my father. I watched the stars, like they were my siblings. And I kept the secrets of the wind like one keeps the secrets of their friends. I spoke softly, so that the angels could hear me, but the people could not.

 I didn't understand the way others did. I only understood the way I was made to. I can't do extraordinary things, yet there has been no word. No whisper through the silence as to when I will be ready. I am listening for a strong and steady voice. I believe, one day, I will hear this voice, and that will be the moment I go. I will step towards the archway and hale my meaning, though until then I remain myself. For that's all I was ever made to be, all I will ever be, and all I will ever want. 

c e l e n a 

f a r e w e l l

l i s t e n

I think I am quite ready for another adventure...

r o o s t

 

l i s t e n

 

home

/hōm/

 What does that word mean to you? For me it means a hearth, a hollow, a sanctuary, a place to roost. I feel so attached to being home that it's hard to get me to leave. With its promise of comfort and peace, I feel like a fairy tucked into her bed with the softest rose petal comforter. And the finest cotton stuffed pillows. These are a couple of pictures that give me that feeling, the warm and fuzzy one...

no. 1

no. 2

no. 3

no. 4

1. Room decor from Bleubird blog.

2. The kind of look I want for a really exciting project that is coming sooner rather than later.

3. Suzie Kondi sweater. If I could splurge on any clothing piece, this would be it. 

4. Mythologie candles. 

 

P.S.

I recently watched Avatar: The Way of Water, for the 6th time. I love it more and more everytime. Personal favorite is Neteyam. 

n'rae

p o e m

I. II.

ephemeral

I.

would I be so destined as they

had perched within the thicket bay

of Herme's heels delight their flight

or spinning wheels of Circe's plight

of sea-born gods and jealousy 

II.

goddess born or not I'll find 

islet of a sacred kind 

there I'll dwell until the end

when gods from heaven will ascend

until I find you Oh kin of Apollo!

my marriage to this life will follow

again, again I'll seek the truth

my future god-like attributes

I'll close my eyes now just to dream

of all the things I've never been...

 n'rae 

m y t h i c a e n t e r t a i n m e n t

 

n'rae 

r e n

 

Ren season two is officially happening! I watched season one when it came out in 2016 and loved it. I actually auditioned for the part of Ren before I found out the season two crowdfunding had not met its mark. It was still fun to try something new like acting, even though I knew I probably wouldn't get the role. 

I love independent projects. The creativity and passion it takes to create them are truly inspiring and in a big way something I definitely want to pursue in the future. Ren is something that I hope goes on for many years and because of its beauty, dedicated cast, producers, and crew, I believe it will. 

n'rae

b e l o v e d

 

The beginning of this month's beloved. A list so I can put my mind at ease, of this and that. I feel like Smaug with my desire for pretty things. 

Bloomeffects

If ever there was skincare that I would invest in, it would be this.

Something about this picture screams "run"

but in a good way.

bamboo toothbrushes and natural oral care is an obsession.

This sweater, a cup of tea, in a cottage in the woods, looking out onto a forest framing the stars, finally at peace.

n'rae 

"m y c e l i u m" b y m a r t i n w e r n e r & r ö y k s o p p

 

n'rae 

f a r e w e l l

listen

No longer will I linger in fear and darkness. Eli will be my guide, and with him, even I cannot falter. 

n'rae

f a r e w e l l

 

listen

I wish for this year to be full of peace and healing, growth, and dreams. God was here with me the whole time, but I have only just now decided to listen. 

n'rae

b l o o m b y M r e e

 

 n'rae

d r i z z t

 

n'rae