I've never wanted to exist. I have only ever wanted to dream. I wanted to live somewhere in-between existence and dreams. I wanted to, if I desired, be able to step into an ocean thousands of feet deep, stretching as far as the eye could see, and pull my human body through it with as little ease as breathing. I wanted to sing and hear the mountains crumble from the power of my voice. I wanted to disappear when I wished and reappear in some vast opening as if I walked through life with myself as my guide.
I saw people as scary, when a child, and found the company of nature and animals overwhelmingly pleasant. I listened to music like a child would their guardian. I convened with God like he was my father. I watched the stars, like they were my siblings. And I kept the secrets of the wind like one keeps the secrets of their friends. I spoke softly, so that the angels could hear me, but the people could not.
I didn't understand the way others did. I only understood the way I was made to. I can't do extraordinary things, yet there has been no word. No whisper through the silence as to when I will be ready. I am listening for a strong and steady voice. I believe, one day, I will hear this voice, and that will be the moment I go. I will step towards the archway and hale my meaning, though until then I remain myself. For that's all I was ever made to be, all I will ever be, and all I will ever want.
c e l e n a
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